Recently I posted about the cultural differences with money since we have 5 cultures in our blended family. We have extremely different expectations placed on us and since sharing more about our money, there were issues.
These issues were so big, I stopped posting out of fear. I withdrew on ALL my platforms out of fear. This happened once before, when going through court for child custody. Anything and everything I wrote my ex and his lawyer tried to use against me in court. It didn’t work but it instilled intense fear.
At the end of July, that fear crept in massively when these issues happened and I stopped everything.
What Happened to Stop me Posting?
I mentioned in the article about our cultural differences with money pressure to provide. There have been issues throughout our relationship where I have been viewed as a bank or simply money instead of a person. It happened again in a big way and I was done.
I pulled back completely. We had a 5-year plan which we made clear and it was not being respected. As a result, it felt as if anything I posted on here was being used against us. Because the people asking DO follow and read this.
We have not spoken since this incident and it has taken me until now to overcome the fear and get back into things.
On top of that, Mr Aspiring Millionaire had to go to another state, our son started teething and not sleeping, work issues happened, the kids had issues at school and our eldest turned 14. So there was a lot on.
But I used all of that as an excuse. The thing holding me back was fear.
How to Overcome Fear
Firstly, you need to recognise that’s what it is. As humans, we are amazing at finding excuses to avoid anything without acknowledging we are actually scared.
“Feel the fear and do it anyway.” is a quote I have often applied in my life. Along with “What would you do if you knew you could not fail?”
After acknowledging my fear, I asked myself, what’s the worst that can happen?
These people will keep asking for more money? They will think we are stuck up or holding out? They will place their expectations on us?
None of that really matters to me. Deep down, I do not care what they think. What matters to me is my family and I am sick of trying to please everyone.
So I put my foot down with that. I said no. I made it clear I will not tolerate this attitude and I stepped back.
Take Time For Yourself
Fear is also known as False Evidence Appearing Real. I was scared because I felt that if I kept doing this, they would keep asking and causing issues. Putting pressure on us and never respecting me as a person.
That is a whole lot of “what if” thinking. In reality, no one can make me do anything with my money. They can’t force me to do anything and if they keep asking, I can choose to cut contact. I can hang up the phone, not respond to emails etc. Whatever it is I need to do to protect my sanity.
When you are feeling fear or making a bunch of excuses up to avoid something, ask yourself why? Ask yourself what’s the worst that can happen? What’s the best that can happen? And what really matters to you?
Take some time out to think and work out what is holding you back and why. Then you can take the next step to overcome it.
Decide What You Want
What do you really want? What’s holding you back? You can think about the worst case scenarios if you want to then problem solve them.
Personally, I tend to dive headfirst into things and go for it instead of thinking of every possible scenario. Too man y scenarios will stop me from taking any action.
If you know what you want, which in the case of this site is to double my money until I am a millionaire and track our net worth, it’s easier to make a plan and stick to it.
When you don’t know what you want, you tend to float aimlessly and it is much harder to overcome fears or money blocks.
Create a Plan
In my situation, I already had a plan. I chickened out on it because of my fears and excuses.
Create a plan with actionable steps. Even if you only take one small step in the right direction each day, it will add up. Without a plan, nothing will happen and you’ll waste a lot of time.
My preference is to set SMART goals: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time-Bound. I like to work on one at a time and do it in a block. Each night I journal how I am going and have a plan for the next day. Being accountable this way helps keep me on track.
Nothing will happen if you don’t take action. A plan is great but without action, it is simply a wish. Commit to taking daily action to achieve whatever it is you want to achieve.
As you take action, it builds momentum. Moving in the direction you want to be going will help you stay motivated.
What Changes am I Making?
I stepped right outside my comfort zone by outsourcing more of my business since so much of my time is taken up in my personal life right now. By opting out of communicating with the people causing issues, my stress levels dropped drastically.
I’m focused on the next step of my doubling my money challenge to get to over $1,000,000 and have a better plan for everything.